


Duality and Depth

by Elvendara



Series: Yooran Week 2018 [6]
Category: Mystic Messenger
Genre: Love, M/M, Yooran, mysme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:48:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28175661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elvendara/pseuds/Elvendara
Summary: One of my favorite Yooran beginnings.
Relationships: Yoosung Kim/Saeran Choi
Series: Yooran Week 2018 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2061609
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	Duality and Depth

Saeran eagerly closed his eyes. He’d spent most of the day with Saeyoung and Yoosung and the proximity to the blonde had been excruciating. He treated Saeran just like Saeyoung, like an older brother, a friend, but nothing more. It ate at Saeran, who ached for the blonde daily. What made things worse, was the fact that Yoosung currently had a huge crush on a girl in one of his classes and was getting the courage up to asking her out. Saeran encouraged him, but he died a little every time. Of course, he wanted Yoosung to be happy, but he hated that it was without him.

He snuggled into the pillow, ready for his other life to begin. A better life than this one. His breathing evened out and he flipped into that other world. He opened his eyes, the bright sunshine streaming through the window, shinning on him. He glanced next to him, the bed was empty. He stretched, unconcerned, as he could smell the freshly brewed coffee wafting in from the kitchen. He rose, and after taking care of his bathroom ritual, he padded on bare feet into the kitchen. Yoosung’s back was to him as he fiddled with something on the stove.

Saeran wrapped his arms around the blonde and nuzzled his nose into the crook of his neck. Yoosung giggled delightedly.

“Stop!” he laughed. “Why are you always so affectionate in the morning?”

“Because I’ve missed you.”

“Saeran! We sleep in the same bed, silly.”

“Kiss me.” He pleaded. Yoosung turned in his arms, a worried look on his face.

“Is something wrong babe?” he asked.

“I told you, I just missed you.” He grinned, pressing his lips against Yoosung’s. They melted against each other, Yoosung’s arms around his shoulders, linking his fingers behind his neck.

“Breakfast is going to burn.” Yoosung breathed heavily, lips hovering over Saeran’s lightly.

“Let it burn!” Saeran picked Yoosung up and sat him on the counter. Yoosung wrapped his legs around Saeran, pushing the pan off the hot flame absently. The kiss was deep and passionate, Saeran putting every ounce of his love for Yoosung into it. In the back of his mind he knew this was wrong. This wasn’t the real Yoosung, but what harm did it do to dream like this? He felt so real in his arms. The kiss he returned burning him through and through.

They spent the day in bed, they always did. Saeran not able to get enough of him, knowing he would soon leave again. He tried desperately to stay awake, even long after Yoosung fell asleep in his arms. The soft feel of his skin delicate beneath his fingers. He wondered if making love to Yoosung would be the same in the real world. The thought sent shame through him as it always did.

His eyelids grew heavy, too heavy to keep open, and he flipped once more. Tears ran down his cheek as he woke in the real world, his real life, his life without Yoosung. He clutched at the empty space beside him, the familiar feeling of Yoosung pressed against him absent and excruciating. He lay in bed, waiting for the ache inside him to subside, even though he knew it never would. When he finally crawled out of bed, he took a long shower, trying to hide as long as he could. He finally turned the water off when it got too cold for him to stay under.

He wiped the mirror and stared at his mint colored eyes. There were bags under them and he sighed, knowing that his dual lives meant he never really got any sleep. If he had a choice though, he would choose to keep seeing Yoosung, even if it would eventually kill him.

He wasn’t surprised to see Yoosung sitting at the small kitchen table when he walked in, he practically lived there.

“Saeran! We thought you would sleep all day!” he greeted him. Saeran looked away and shrugged.

“Yoosung was telling us about his date.” MC grinned as she sipped her coffee and leaned against the counter. Saeran stopped in his tracks and glanced back at the blonde, who now looked down at his hands, a bright red flush suffusing his face.

“Date?” Saeran croaked. Saeyoung, who sat next to Yoosung, glanced at Saeran with sympathy. He was an avid believer that Saeran should tell Yoosung how he felt and hated that Saeran had made him promise not to say anything.

“It’s no big deal. We’re only going to the movies. It’s a pretty lame date, but, she said yes and I’m really excited!” he contradicted himself. Saeran gulped but forced a smile.

“That’s great Yoosung. I’m sure it’ll be great. Uh…I…should check my laundry.” He finished lamely and turned, walking away as fast as he could, trying to escape the elated look on Yoosung’s face.

Saeyoung found him on the laundry room floor, almost an hour later, sitting in the corner, his arms wrapped around his legs, his tears spent. He didn’t say a word, simply circled his arms around his brother and held him close.

MC walked in after him and snuggled onto Saeran’s other side. Their presence was a comfort, but it wasn’t enough. It never would be. He was at least grateful they didn’t try and talk him into admitting his feelings to Yoosung again, it only led to Saeran shutting down and refusing to talk to them for days. But he could feel how they looked at each other over his head, and knew they desperately wanted to say something.

“Is he gone?” he whispered.

“Yes, he wanted to…get ready.”

“The date’s tonight?”

“Yes.” MC answered, squeezing him tighter. Saeran wanted to fall asleep, to spend more time with his Yoosung, to forget that the real one was out, getting ready for his very first date, without him.

* * *

He woke, the sun shining on him again, only this time, Yoosung was still beside him. Something broke within him and tears rolled down his face as he grasped the man tight. Yoosung woke, startled at the sobbing man in his arms.

“Saeran! What…what’s wrong?” he was wide awake, his tone frightened.

“I’m sorry, I…had…a nightmare.”

“Oh…” Yoosung softened, a light laugh vibrating through his chest. “Tell me.”

“You…you didn’t love me, and, you were going on a date with someone else, a girl in your class.” Saeran choked out.

“Babe! That was just a dream, not real, I’m right here, where I want to be. And I couldn’t not love you even if my life depended on it.” he lifted Saeran’s chin and planted a kiss on his trembling lips.

“You’re shaking!” There was a look of concern on Yoosung.

Saeran couldn’t control himself. He’d spent the rest of the day trying to get back to this world and failing miserably. Finally, he’d taken some sleeping pills he had left over from months before. By the time he had finally fallen asleep, Saeran assumed Yoosung’s date was in full swing. He was glad to try and escape what his mind was conjuring up. Only, he hadn’t truly escaped, had he? Even with this Yoosung’s arms around him, all he could do was think of the other one. The one at the movies, probably sharing a popcorn, their fingers accidentally meeting in the tub, soft looks, maybe some intertwining fingers. The Yoosung who would walk his date home, and perhaps have his first kiss, or more. He tried to shut it away, to stop from thinking of Yoosung in the arms of someone else. In the bed of someone else. In love, with someone else.

He couldn’t control himself, his sobs shaking his entire form. Yoosung’s gentle murmur’s having no affect, until he finally pushed the man away and jumped out of bed. He clutched at his head and yanked on his hair.

“You’re not real! Shut up! Shut up! You’re not him! He doesn’t love me! And he never will!”

Yoosung was stunned, he crawled off the bed and tried to touch Saeran, but he couldn’t get near him, Saeran kept pushing him away, denying him.

“Go away! Go away go away go away!” he cried, falling to his knees, shaking his head, forcing himself to wake up.

“Saeran! Saeran! STOP!” Yoosung screamed, his hand reached out but passed right through him.

Saeran screamed as he flipped, feeling like it was for the last time. He bolted upright and struggled to unwrap himself from the sheet and blanket, falling off the bed. He fought to catch his breath, unable to squeeze any more tears from his eyes. They felt swollen and painful. His breath hitched as he got it under control.

As he waited for his heart to stop pounding, there was an insistent ring of the doorbell. As if someone was hitting it over and over again. He was confused, Saeyoung was usually pretty fast at getting to whoever was at the door, as he was able to access the door security from anywhere. But nothing was stopping it. The ringing seeming more desperate. It took him a few minutes to remember that Saeyoung and MC had gone out earlier. They had tried to get Saeran to go with them, but he’d refused, knowing he was going to try and sleep. He thought of ignoring it and whoever was there would just go away. He hunted around for his phone and opened the security app to see who was trying to get in. He dropped it and shot out of his room when he saw it was Yoosung. He looked haggard and upset. He could tell he’d been crying for a while.

He opened the door and Yoosung almost knocked him over as he slammed into him.

“Saeran!” he gasped, sobbing uncontrollably. He felt Yoosung’s tears soak through his shirt. He wasn’t sure what to do, so he patted his back. This didn’t feel like the other Yoosung. There was more weight to this one, his smell was different, the feel of his hair against his cheek rougher. He realized that he had romanticized his other Yoosung, made him perfect, when there was no such thing. The real thing was much better.

“Yoosung…” he whispered, his chest heaving painfully. Something in his tone must have touched something in Yoosung, piercing through his own grief. He pulled away and met his gaze.

“Uh, what…what’s wrong?” Saeran looked away, unsure what to do with his hands.

“She never showed up.” Yoosung sobbed, his voice breaking.

“Oh Yoosung, I’m so sorry.”

“She didn’t even call. I was standing there like an idiot, for an hour! I waited an entire hour Saeran! I tried to call her, but, she never picked up…do you…do you think she did it on purpose?”

“I don’t know.” He felt guilty that he was glad the girl hadn’t shown up. He was a terrible person.

He pushed the door closed and led Yoosung to the living room where they fell onto the sofa. Yoosung lay his head on Saeran’s shoulder and Saeran had to pull a pillow and place it on his lap. What kind of friend was he that he was getting turned on?

“Uh, Saeyoung and MC will be home later, maybe, maybe you should come back then? I’m not very good at, you know…comforting.”

“You’re doing great, I just need to not be alone right now, that’s all. I’m sorry, I know you don’t like to be touched.” Yoosung lifted his head, but Saeran put his arm around him, holding his shoulder and with his other hand, he pressed Yoosung’s head back onto his shoulder.

“No, it’s ok. I’ve got you.” He whispered.

Yoosung eased into the embrace, his tears no longer falling. After a few minutes, he reached for Saeran’s hand. Saeran didn’t hesitate to clasp it.

“Saeran?” Yoosung’s voice was hoarse. “Thank you.”

“She’s an idiot! She didn’t deserve you anyway.” Saeran growled, eliciting a soft laugh from Yoosung.

“Yeah, bitch!” he cursed, then clapped a hand over his mouth.

Saeran snorted. “I think it’s ok for you to cuss a bit after being stood up Yoosung.”

“I guess.” He shrugged and sighed. “Honestly though,” he lay against Saeran again, “I don’t think I really liked her all that much.”

“What? I thought you were really into her?”

“I thought so too, and yeah, it hurt that she didn’t show up, but, maybe it was for the best.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I…I think I just realized something.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m not as broken up about it as I thought I should be.”

He circled his thumb around the back of Saeran’s hand and looked up at him.

“Saeran…” his eyes were lidded, his lips parted, his presence overwhelming. He was beautiful. Something was happening, this is how his other Yoosung looked at him, well, almost. These eyes were real, and there was more in them than other Yoosung had ever had. There was more depth, more understanding, more emotion. His heart thumped in his chest, the pain not even registering. He leaned into him, and Yoosung didn’t pull away, his amethyst eyes almost hungry in a way Saeran had never seen. Yoosung closed the distance, closing those amazing gems and their lips met.

Saeran moaned, the velvety feel of Yoosung’s lips like nothing he’d ever experienced before. How had he ever been happy in that other world when this is what reality felt like?


End file.
